This pregnancy rocked me physically and mentally in ways I had never experienced. Many days felt like I couldn't possibly keep going. Words don't adequately describe how it was for me but 2022 felt very dark. It was such a looooong 9 months. So glad that it does actually end eventually. From the very beginning I felt like I needed to be ready "early." Having had 2 late births previously (one of which was 2 weeks overdue) I didn't want to get my hopes up on that feeling. Regardless, since I was due September 14, I was pretty confident he would come sometime within the month of
September.
Around 37 weeks labor signs were in full swing. Many times over the course of the next two weeks contractions would pick up enough that I'd start to time them. Then of course they'd stall and then nothing for a day or two. Just over and over. Every night I'd go to bed wondering if this was the night. I had manifested that a birthday of 9/9/22 would be lovely and gave him full permission to come then. Jokes on me. He didn't come then.
September 11 - I felt awful. Felt defeated emotionally and physically as I had to prep myself that he would not be arriving early and that I was potentially looking at another 2 weeks left. I took a picture that night of the boys reading books and felt a lot of love for my little family. My heart and mind said "okay Kristyn, relax and just soak in this time with the 4 of you. The end is in sight so stop freaking out."
Fast forward to 4 am the very next day (September 12, just 2 days before my "due date"). Typical early AM pregnant bathroom break and to my surprise most of my mucous plug came out. Woo! Kept having back labor enough that I finally got up at around 5:30 am and got out of bed. When I stood up there wasn't a gush but also not a trickle. All I know it was enough to soak me and the carpet. Definitely not pee. IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING?! Woke Tanner up to let him know and then started to prep last minute things. Planned on laboring at home as long as possible but knew labor for a 3rd time could go quickly. We were at least a 25 minute drive to the hospital plus getting the boys off to school. Ate some breakfast and waited for the boys to wake up. There was enough breaks in-between contractions that we decided we could take the kids to school and drop their belongings off at my sisters. While dropping the kids off and had a few intense contractions in the car.
Called the midwife when we got back and she was good with me laboring at home but would check-in around noon to see how things were going should I not be at the hospital by then. The contractions kept coming. Turned on some Modern Family, kept moving around while watching and proceeded to time them for the next hour. Started to feel tired so I sat down for a couple of them and then ended up falling asleep. When I woke up they had stalled. Dang it. Blamed myself for it since I didn't stay moving. By this point we ate some lunch and I was starting to feel pretty frustrated it wasn't picking up more. Had Tanner take a nap since I was realizing this was going to be a longer day after all. The midwife called to check in around 1 pm and offer some extra tips to get things to progress. If not she wanted me to come to the hospital to have baby checked that evening around 5 pm (which would be about 12 hours into labor). I was dreading that as I knew they'd probably want to augment labor (with medicine which I prefer to avoid). Started to feel more stressed about "running out of time" for things to progress on their own. The next couple hours I did my best to keep moving. Walked on the treadmill, walked around the neighborhood, rocked on the birthing ball...did all the things. The consistent contractions from the morning seemed to disappear. Started to feel sorry for myself about how "slow" it was going. By 4 pm decided we should head to the hospital to check baby. On the drive, my body seemed to relax and contractions started picking up somewhat.
By 4:30 pm we were checked into our room. My nurse checked and discovered my water had NOT broken. Whaaat??!! Was I taking crazy pills? There was no way I wasn't in labor based how strong the contractions were and I confidently can say what leaked that morning was not pee. Apparently, the nurse let me know I probably had a something called a "high leak" (something along the lines of where it breaks higher up but then gets plugged up by baby) but I think she was just trying to make me feel better. Regardless of that update, I was dilated at a 4 & 1/2 so they officially admitted me. After advising with the midwife, she recommended going ahead and breaking my water and then we would go from there (though she was confident things would pick up with us doing that). So at 5:30 pm she broke my water and was dilated to a 5.
From there. Things. Picked. Up.
No need for anything additional. My body took over INTENSELY. Recently I read a poem talking about the truth of labor and there was a line that said, "You'll float above your body and simultaneously be trapped in it with an intensity you've never tasted." That perfectly describes the next 2 plus hours for me. Then I felt an overwhelming surge of fear that I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted it to stop. That's always a sign to me I was in transition (which means I should know baby is close) but when I'm in the depths of it I just don't think rationally. Tried to figure out what my body was telling me and decided I needed to use the restroom. With the help of Tanner, the minute I sat down realized...it was time to push. The midwife heard me and quickly started prepping to get things ready. I remember my midwife asked if I could make it back to the bed. A contraction came on and I think I yelled, "NOPE!" So she started to move things to deliver in the bathroom. Somehow (thankfully) in the break I was able to make it back to the bed.
Got on my hands and knees and it was time. There wasn't a question of checking to see my progression just trust that I knew what I was feeling and that my body was ready. And it was. In just a short 10 minutes (though I swear it felt much longer), he was out! Went straight to my arms (this was the first time I got that as my two previous births had complications and babies needed to be checked quickly). There is nothing better than the complete relief that comes when your baby is finally in your arms. Pure happiness.
We had gone back and forth between a handful of names the entire pregnancy but it wasn't until I was in labor that I called him by a name. Having a name to call him helped me make it through transition and delivery. Sitting there holding him, I knew what his name should be (what I had been calling him in my mind through it all).
Soren Kit Smedley.
Born at 7:56 pm.
Monday, September 12.
9 lbs & 20 in.
So incredibly grateful to have such a supportive husband. He was there every step of the way (as he was with each of my labor's). I truly couldn't have done it without him. When I think back on watching him patiently waiting for his turn to hold Soren, I feel so much love for him. The moment he finally held him for the first time...good heavens I didn't think my heart could burst anymore and yet it did.
Love my BOYS.
