Finn Alistair: Birth Story

I struggle to accurately put into words my experience of the past nine months. This pregnancy has been one of the most difficult things I've had to endure both physically and mentally. So much of it was spent desperately begging for relief. I dreaded the very thought of continuing on. The struggles that were this pregnancy were never taken away. However as I now look back I see more clearly those times I was divinely blessed and carried through each day. The end result was absolutely worth it. Like the mother of all knew, there was no other way.

So much goes through your heart and mind as you prepare yourself for labor and delivery. Often I would think back to the birth of our Atticus. Never have I felt more empowered as a woman than that day. I knew I wanted that experience again. Labor is a beautifully hard thing but one of the most spiritually and physically rewarding things I can possibly think of experiencing in this life. This time around I knew better what to expect with labor, delivery, & recovery. I was again excited and ready for it. It was important to me for things to progress naturally and though it took longer than anticipated, things worked out just how they should. It really is nothing short of amazing what our bodies (and minds) are capable of when bringing a life into this world.

--------------------

The whole pregnancy I felt certain we would have this baby in March (must have been wishful thinking). As I was able to witness my sister's birth of her fourth child (who was due exactly one week ahead of me), I was excited and anxious my little one would arrive soon after. Just a week later (3 days before my due date) contractions kicked in and were coming 5-6 minutes apart consistently for a few hours that evening. Called my mom around 10 pm to give her the heads up and make plans for Atticus. Though they were strong, I was able to talk through them. We decided to rest hoping in a few hours it would be time to head to the hospital. Woke up the next morning realizing it was false labor. The rest of the weekend we stayed on baby watch only to have things die down. Very discouraging at the time.

My due date (April 1st) came and went with still no sign of baby. My patience was again tested. As I approached two weeks overdue, my midwife decided it was time to schedule an induction just in case I didn't go into labor on my own (they weren't going to let me go past 42 weeks). An induction was set for Friday, April 12 (which felt good since my favorite number is 4 and Tanner's is 12). Anyways, I had to be checked on my progress for the first time and was disappointed to learn I was only barely 1 cm dilated and maybe 40% effaced. Because of this I would need to check into the hospital the night before my induction to soften the cervix. Thursday was fairly calm waiting for the call from labor and delivery when we could head to the hospital (it was anticipated the call would come around 5-6 pm). At 6:30 pm and no word, Tanner gave L&D a call and to our frustration we apparently were not on the schedule at all (due to a miscommunication from the midwife). Aaarggh. After some back and forth with L&D and our midwife, they finally told us we would need to call back at 9 pm to see if a room was available (it turned out to be a very busy night for them). We brought Atticus to my parents and put him to bed and waited. At 9 pm they told us still no rooms available and to call back at 11 pm. Now I was really starting to feel anxious. We both tried to get some rest because the evening was looking later and later. Called again at 11 pm and still nothing. The new time to call was midnight. Finally at 12:20 am, a room was available. Time to head to the hospital.

After checking in and getting all set up, the midwife came to discuss my options and how best to move forward. I could either have a foley bulb induction (basically a catheter that is placed inside the cervix, as it inflates it puts pressure on the cervix to open) and after around 10-12 hours it should get me to about 4 cm but it wouldn't start labor. They would then need to start me on pitocin. Option two, I could take a pill orally (cylotec) every three hours that should soften the cervix to 3 cm or so after around 10 hours. The positive side was that it could help get labor started. She checked me again before we made a decision and I had progressed to 2 cm and 50% effaced. We decided to try the cylotec at a 1/4 dose and would see how my body reacted and then go from there. At 2:20 am we finally got things started. Mentally I prepared myself for a long night and morning hoping by noon my cervix would be favorable enough to start the induction via pitocin. Within maybe 10 minutes of taking the teeniest pill, contractions kicked in. Tried to sleep but when I timed them I realized they were coming about 3-5 minutes apart and with enough intensity I had to focus through them. I couldn't believe it, was labor actually going on its own? Just after 5 am, my nurse came in to check me and I was at 3 cm and 80% effaced. Apparently all my body needed was a little kick start and we were off. No need for more cylotec or even pitocin. What a relief to labor on my own!

Contractions came in strong and consistent. I was so excited to be laboring without medical intervention. To move around freely they used a bluetooth monitor (to adhere it to my belly they had to sand down my skin, yes it's exactly what you imagine sanding skin would feel like. Ouch!). To manage contractions and help get baby into place we switched positions every half hour or so. There was such a calmness to the room, with each break I was able to rest and prep for the next contraction. It really helped keep me at ease since to allow labor to continue to progress on its own timing. By 8 am (about 5.5 hours into labor) I was 4 cm and 100% effaced.

The next few hours were nothing short of intense. Taking one contraction at a time. With Tanner as my main support I knew I could do it. He says he didn't do anything but I completely disagree. Sweetheart you were and are everything to me. Not only did I have the best midwife coaching me the entire time I was also blessed with not just one but two nurses (one was a student) providing counter pressure and lots of encouragement. Things continued to progress with no issues. As I dilated to 7 cm the midwife broke my water to check for meconium (when you are as overdue as I was, it was highly possible). It was present, so the NICU respiratory nurses were notified to be there for the birth.

The end was near (though I didn't know at the time things were almost done) my hands started to go tingly and then they went numb. I was hyperventilating and with the help of a little oxygen it was just enough for me to push this baby out. My body was exhausted and I felt so discouraged with myself even though things had progressed fairly quickly. I felt as if I couldn't go on. I kept asking Tanner if I was close to pushing and suddenly I just did. I couldn't stop myself. A sensation I didn't experience the first time around. My body just took over and the energy in the room shifted. In less than 10 minutes and giving everything I had into 3 pushes, baby arrived at 11:40 am! Tanner emotionally announced, "it's a BOY"! He was immediately whisked away and panic set in as no sounds were made. I kept asking if he was alright and then within 30 seconds (I swear it felt longer than that) I heard his voice. Thankfully there were no issues at all. As I was brought my sweet little boy, all the pain and sorrow of the past 9 months (though not forgotten) were overwhelmingly worth it. He was the reason for it all and I would do it a thousand times over for him. The rest of the room faded away as I held him close. That blessed time where our souls connected and time seemed to stop. This is what true happiness feels like. I am forever grateful to have this blessing twice in my life.

what are you having?

The most frequently asked question during this pregnancy (and my first), "What are you having?" I'd say about 98% of the time people are shocked we aren't finding out. It makes me smile. It's as if people have always been able to find out and never had to wait until baby arrived. The most typical response is, "oh I could never do that, I'm a planner." Ha! Jokes on you. When has parenthood ever allowed a person to plan things out? If you know me, this is coming from someone who is very much a "planner." From the minute we even started talking about having kids, things never went according to plan. I'm nearly 3.5 years deep into this and still can't tell you how many things happen far different than I had anticipated.

Has it been easy. No way. I find myself wanting to pull out the DVD of the ultrasound frequently. Not a moment goes by that I don't wonder what this little baby is. At the end of the day, this is what we chose and I love it. When I stop to think about "why," many reasons come to mind...

• Does it really matter if we find out at 20 weeks or wait until 40? It doesn't really change anything, baby will still them.
• It drives people nuts, even strangers.
• We typically like more gender neutral things (and that doesn't mean it has to be all gray).
• Great lesson on patience. Hello life in general but especially with a kid.
• Curbs excessive spending. I've found babies need far less than the world tells you. Besides many hours of nursing ahead to do my online shopping after baby is here.
• It's fun to day dream each day. Gives me motivation daily to make it through all the aches/pains/nausea etc.
• Delayed gratification (think being a kid waiting for Christmas morning good, and then times that by 1000%).
• Coming up with both boy and girl names and wondering what we ultimately will pick.
• Add's just that much more motivation to make it through labor.
• Enjoyed seeing individual family members reactions as they met Atticus for the first time at the hospital.
• The ULTIMATE GENDER REVEAL.

Is it for everyone? I suppose not. But I will say it's made both pregnancies extra special for us.

(This is not to say finding out is bad or wrong. Do what is best for you. There are of course pro's and con's to both sides.)

kind stranger

Sometimes do you just get caught up in your life that you don't seem to notice anyone else around? For instance, when I'm at the store my attention is often limited to my grocery list and Atticus (not much else). An experience a few weekends ago has left a good reminder to me.

We were coming back from running a few Saturday errands when A exclaimed he needed to go potty. Only about 10 minutes away from home, we decided to not risk an accident and stop by a grocery store to take him. While out that morning, A was proving a little more difficult than usual even with both Tanner and I there. Anyways, we pulled him out of the car seat and something set him off (#toddler). He was screaming and so I squatted down to his level to figure out what the problem was. A stranger walking by says to him in passing, "are you going to the store to get some candy?" Instantly, he settles down and yells, "ya!" The situation was calmed. We chatted with this gentleman as we all walked into the store and then went our separate ways. I sincerely appreciated this kind gentleman observing my frustrations and a grumpy little boy. With nothing more than kind words it calmed everyone down. That was it. Just a stranger noticing something around him and it worked.

Well, we were on our way out as the daughter of the above man ran up to us and handed A a box of ice cream sandwiches. Not only did the man deescalate the situation he went an extra step and got a little treat for A. Chances are we will never cross paths again, but what an impression he left on my mind and hopefully A's.

Imagine what our world would be like if we all took the time to be more aware of those around us (saying hello, giving a compliment, buying a treat for a 3 year old). So many good people in the world.

Thank you kind stranger.