My pregnancy was spent reading, learning, taking classes, and praying, so that my husband and I would be prepared as best as possible to bring our baby into this world. Labor is just that...labor. Its hard work. However, out of anything I could possibly accomplish in this life, I knew it could be the most rewarding. There were so many positives to this way of delivering that I felt it was right for me. One advantage that I particularly liked was that my husband was able to take an active role in this process. That was exactly what I wanted. He was able to prepare alongside with me. I cannot imagine doing it without my sweet husband.
It was important to be physically ready but almost more importantly to be mentally and spiritually ready. For natural birth to work, you have to have a positive attitude. As crazy as this may sound to some, I was excited for labor. I grew to know that labor was not something I needed to be fearful of. When we are nervous or tense, this stops our bodies from releasing it's natural endorphin's that aide in our perception of pain. I had to be calm to get to a personal state of relaxation. Using the tools I had learned, allowed me to be in tune with my body and deliver my baby naturally.
I say this now and will say it again. Never in my life have I felt more empowered then when I gave birth to our son.
November 25, 2015.
Woke up at 5 am to use the restroom. Normally I keep the lights off but got the impression to turn them on this time. It took me a second before my brain snapped into gear and I thought, "is that what I think it is?!" I went into to wake Tanner with the news that I had lost my plug. Contractions were mild and since it was possible labor might still be a few days away we decided to go back to bed. We had an appoint with the midwife later that morning at 9 am so we figured to just stick with that plan and she would be able to check my progression. Soon after I laid down I was soaked. The realization hit and I got up to finish packing our hospital bag, eat some breakfast and left the house around 8 am. Before leaving Tanner gave me a priesthood blessing. I felt complete peace and calmness. Heavenly Father reminded us that we had prepared ourselves and were ready. Things were setting in, the next time we would return home there would be 3 of us.
On the way up to Salt Lake I called Sandae, who was the midwife on call for the day. Sandae was not who I had planned to deliver with but was the next best midwife
(she had delivered/assisted with two of my sister's births). After talking through my options we all felt it was best to head directly to LDS Hospital.
We parked the car and brushed our teeth in the parking garage
(I didn't get a chance before we left since I ate some of breakfast on the drive). We checked into the hospital, were taken to the delivery room, put on my hospital gown, and it was time to see where my body was at.
Up until this point I had NOT been checked at all; so glad I didn't in the weeks earlier because I would have been disappointed with the progress. The nurses confirmed my water had broken and I was dilated to a 2. At this point it was about 11 am
(6 hours into labor). Contractions were still fairly mild. My midwife was so fantastic in letting me decide what I wanted to do. That being said she felt it was a good idea to start me on pitocin to get things moving. I was hesitant to have any medical intervention as I believed firmly my body knew what to do on its own. True as that may be, because my water had already broken it was important to get baby out within that 24 hours. We had a decision to make. It was not my original plan but after weighing it out I looked at Tanner and instantly I was comforted that we should move forward. They put me on the lowest dose and that's when my contractions came much closer together. We were hoping that when I got up to a higher dilation I could be taken off to let my body take it the rest of the way. An hour or so had passed and still not much progress. They bumped the pitocin up to a 3.
Being free to move was important to me to manage each surge. The last thing I wanted to do was be stuck laying down in bed. Around 2 pm I was checked again and was still at a 2
(9 hours into labor). Again we were running out of time. With my permission the pitocin was bumped up to a 5. Oh how I felt it. Unfortunately for me baby was posterior so I experienced intense back labor. To assist in rotating the baby we were able to try many different positions. Tanner was so sweet to put cold cloths on my neck, assist in applying counter-pressure, or simply stroking my head. The one thing I needed most was Tanner's hand. Just holding it
(I later found I was squeezing his hand so tightly he had to remove his wedding ring because it was cutting off his circulation, oops!) and knowing he was there provided so much comfort. At one point he stepped away to try and eat some lunch but I couldn't do it. I needed to have him right there. From that point forward he never left my side.
While all of this was happening, to be and stay relaxed I had to I keep my eyes shut and took one at a time. I was able to find a particular position that I liked and felt more at ease. The periods in-between allowed me to rest, so much that I would actually fall asleep until the next one. I had to focus on one surge at time and remind myself that each one got me one step closer to meeting that baby. I don't think I had ever prayed that much in my whole life as I did for those next few hours. Not once was my pain taken away or even lessened. But somehow I made it through one, and another, and another. Without a doubt I felt something heavenly supporting me through. I was not alone. After what felt like had only been 30 minutes
(it wasn't until later that Tanner told me we had been in that same position for the past 3 hours), the strongest contraction came. In my mind I had mentally told myself I couldn't do it anymore. At that point Sandae checked to see where I was at. Hoping and praying I progressed to at least a 5, maybe even a 7, she happily announced it was time to push. Whaaatt??!!! In that moment when I felt defeated those were the best words I had ever heard. Tender mercy. Just when I felt I couldn't do it anymore, the end was in site. I felt so relieved and my body had this burst of energy to keep going.
Sandae and the nurse got me prepped for pushing. Because I had not received an epidural we were again able to use different positions to push
(some were great, others I really did not like).
Through the pushing my eyes stayed shut, I only opened them briefly. I remember turning to my right and there was Tanner's blue eyes. They were so bright and encouraging. I have always felt loved by him but being there in labor I felt one of the strongest feelings of love I had ever experienced. Through the whole process, he never left my side. Though he rubbed my head and massaged my back, there wasn't much else he could do other than be my support. Boy did I feel it. His soft, sweet, tender voice encouraged me through every push, every contraction, and every break. He won't know how much of a driving force that was for me to get through. Because he believed I could do it, I did it. I really felt connected to him and that
we were in this together. Though we had different roles, together
we birthed our baby.
My midwife was just what I needed to physically get my body to do what it was supposed to. She coached me on where to push, how to breathe, what position to try, etc. It took me awhile to figure out how to effectively push. Her expertise was greatly appreciated. After an hour of pushing I again felt discouraged and it felt like baby would never come. It got to the point I was so exhausted and felt there was nothing left in me. Again I prayed for strength to make it through. I took the deepest breath my body could possibly take. I pushed harder than anything else. I felt a change in the room and kept hearing "you are so close, we can see the baby." The energy around had increased and I knew our baby was almost there. I was so completely exhausted but the atmosphere was incredible. I had a new found strength within to give it my 100% and then some. After maybe 6 or 7 pushes right in a row and we heard the sweetest little cry out. The most precious of sounds. Instantly all the pain and exhaustion just disappeared and I felt nothing but the fullest of love and happiness. What felt like forever
(in reality it had only been maybe 10 seconds) I anxiously asked what the gender was
(my one request was to have Tanner announce the gender). Sandae lifted the babe and said "here Dad, what is it?" Tanner's face lit up and with teary eyes said..."it's a boy!" We had a son!
I was not aware that the last 20 minutes of pushing baby boy's heart rate had dropped. I wanted immediate skin to skin but they had to have his vitals checked quickly to be sure he was okay. All was well and within a couple of minutes they brought me our baby. Seeing him and holding him for the first time with Tanner by my side, I lost it. To finally hold that warm little body, we had anxiously awaited, made
everything worth it.
For the next few hours after birth, our family of 3 just got to be. It felt like heaven here on earth. Just me and my boys. We soaked in the moment with this precious life that Heavenly Father entrusted to us. Holding our baby for the first time...that is what true happiness feels like.
As we were sitting there together we felt it was time this baby boy deserved a name
(after being called "it" for the past 9 months). We had our top 3 choices and went back and forth through them. As we looked into our little boy's eyes, one felt right. With that our little Atticus Lyle it was.
After 14 and a half hours of labor with about an hour and a half of pushing, our little boy was finally with us. Family really is everything.
